Kerry Says

I really had hoped things would work out. It would have been so much easier for us just to be together. One more thing to cross off life’s to do list. Find a partner? Check.

But he had to keep telling me jokes I’d heard before. A thousand times before.

And he couldn’t stop himself from grabbing the back of my neck when he drove even though he knew I HATED it when people touched my neck. “I’m not grabbing it, I’m rubbing it. …and I’m not people. I’m your man.”

Oh did I mention that he called himself “my man”? All the time he did this. In public.

Alone it was worse since he had the tendency to call himself “my big man”. Not only awful, but woefully overstated.

So that was uncalled for, I know.

But this is a guy who used to take his socks off in the living room at the end of the day then shove them in his pocket.

And the socks...

You know those black ones made out of some poly-rayon-plastic blend? They glistened in the light I swear to God. Shone like asphalt on a sweltering day. Sometimes I just wanted to scream “What did cotton ever do to you?“ But he would have laughed about it.

He laughed about everything. No fight in him. Even as I left he just sat there with a stupid smile on his face while I told him how miserable this life was making me. How miserable he was making me.

He said if I couldn’t be happy with him I’d better go be happy someplace else. And the whole time he’s going on and on wishing me the best all I can do is stare at the wet spot his beet bottle is making on the coffee table. My coffee table.

Couldn’t keep them in the fridge like everyone one else… had to stockpile his beer in the freezer. Nice and frosty and dripping like hell. Do you know how many times he forgot they were in there and they exploded? Do you know how many times our guests had to take their beer with a SPOON?

Anyway so he’s offering me the best graduation speech ever… follow your path, spread your wings. If you love someone set them free... and I’m pissy about the ruined coffee table.

So I’m the bitch right?

Yeah.

Well fine.

He can keep the coffee table.